dressing to undress

the full flowering of fucked up shit makes for the first real papa ghostface masterpiece. this is where it all finally came together. the sound quality leaves a lot to be desired (i didn’t back any of the songs up on the mixer so i couldn’t remix the cd even if i wanted to), but this will always retain “classic” status for me regardless of what i go on to do in the years ahead.

gord does a lot of singing (probably the most he ever did on one of our albums), and my sleep-deprivation feeds the madness. i had learned an important lesson from SONGS FOR DEAD SKIN—if you’re going to write lyrics, at least make them twisted enough to justify singing them, and don’t shun improvisation…it’s your friend. it says something that the weakest track here is the most accessible by far (we’re all gonna go). everything else is pretty insane, and this might be the most consistently “druggy”-sounding album i’ve ever made, though i only ever got to listen to it once while under the influence of anything. it’s also home to what has to be one of the best hidden tracks i’ve ever concocted, even if i again had to cut out pieces of it in order to make it fit on the cd. it’s mostly just me literally punching my bass while using a distant microphone to distort it through the guitar effects box, and then overdubbing some distorted singing and screaming on top, but somehow it seems to bring the whole album to a satisfying conclusion. spandex resurrects another one of our first songs (from the same night “pacing the cage” was recorded) and turns what was originally a ninety second improvisation into an operatic exploration of…well…spandex. that and the fact that i hated geography class with a vengeance. gord’s acoustic guitar threatens to blow up the microphone while i mess around with different keyboard sounds. nothing from nothing is one of my most effectively creepy spoken word creations, with some deliciously evil guitar-playing from gord. the first time my dad heard the song, he was driving around during one of my last piano lessons and gradually started to feel like he had no idea where he was or where he was going. suddenly nothing seemed familiar and he felt like he was experiencing some horrible acid trip or something. i took that as a huge compliment. i expected dustin to find much more of interest here than he did in the previous cd and duly gave him a copy, but he surprised me by not having much to say.

the rest takes in extramarital affairs via bestiality, love via urination, a perverted dentist who finally gets what he deserves, the effects of a protracted lack of cable tv on a male libido, and smoking pot in the park at lunchtime (which i had never done, so i didn’t realize how many of our fellow walkerville brethren it spoke to at the time when i sang about it in fatties, the closest thing to a ballad on the album), among other things. she’s awfully lovely brings ronita back to life briefly to shudder at her impending motherhood, before segueing into a bouncy sing-along about a girl with magical breasts. it also marks the precise moment at which my shitty red strat copy became a five-string guitar, when one of the strings was removed to replace a broken string on a sparkly les paul i was renting at the time (you can hear gord tuning it up at the beginning of the song before handing the guitar back to me, since i knew nothing about stringing up guitars at the time). it stayed a five-string for at least four years and served me well in that form, surviving various odd tunings, dead frets and all, until someone at long & mcquade threw on a sixth string when i had them fix up the dying hum-bucker pickup. i was going to rip it back off, but thought i might see how the guitar liked having all of its strings for a while, and it’s stayed that way ever since. rippin’ was originally written as a silly country song, complete with illustrations, which is pretty hard to believe when you hear the twisted thing gord and i turned it into at the recording stage. at one point i manage to get a mandolin-like sound out of my acoustic guitar by pressing the strings against the microphone and using it the grille sort of like a slide, and gord makes some pretty strange sounds at the end with a bottle of blue powerade (gatorade’s cousin).

piss on me, the happy dentist and nothing from nothing were all recorded in one night. we had the house to ourselves for a while, so gord and i snuck out into an alley and smoked a joint in the darkness. back then i had no idea how to inhale properly, so i didn’t get high at all, but i definitely felt something…it must have been a bit of a contact buzz. instead of making me cough as i had expected it would, the pot seemed to open up my vocal cords in an odd way, particularly during piss on me, allowing for some higher-than-usual sans-falsetto singing. gord was definitely high even if i wasn’t, staring at the guitar effects box and looking mesmerized as he pulled some appropriately weird sounds out of his guitar. my speaker-blowing howl at the end of the song (“so piss on…MEEEEEE!”) is one of the album’s definitive moments, along with the unexpected bridge section that’s almost romantic in a bizarre, bittersweet way, and it cracks me up right at the end when gord realizes the song is over and asks if we were recording it. on the happy dentist gord manages to make it sound like he’s playing both bass and electric guitar at the same time, when he’s really just playing bass and throwing in odd notes with a slide on his pinkie finger. the music starts out sounding like a semi-acoustic blues variation on horsemouth, only to gradually descend into a state of complete psychosis.

one thing that distinguishes this from the other papa ghostface cds is the predominance of between-song bits; there are several fragments that show up at the beginnings or ends of songs that don’t really have anything at all to do with the songs themselves (the neil-young-on-crack intro to the happy dentist, for example), and yet somehow they all fit. i longed to make another album this messed up with gord a few years later, and it would have been interesting to see if we would have been able to come close to matching the inspired insanity on display here, but it wasn’t to be.

TRACKS:

rippin’
spandex
she’s awfully lovely
we’re all gonna go
piss on me
the happy dentist
nothing from nothing
fatties

STUFF TO LISTEN TO:

Spandex

Fatties

LYRICS:

RIPPIN’

i killed a horse
the horse came back
first he was dead
then he came back
he wouldn’t listen
he wouldn’t stay dead
so i shot that horse
shot him twice in the head

the horse had relations
with my hot young wife
she said she liked it
’specially when he used the knife

he thrusted relentlessly
’till the sun came up
& then his fluids
had all dried up

i got my gun
i shot him dead
he fell to the ground
blood pouring from his head
he wouldn’t listen
he wouldn’t stay dead
so i had relations
with his wife instead

her name was francine
what a piece of meat
she especially enjoyed
sucking on my feet
she wouldn’t listen
when we were in the bed
she was just like the bible—
some book i never read

my hot young wife
made some cornbread pancakes for me
i ate them all
leaving none for she
my hot young wife
she got my gun
i shit my pants
& decided to run

i found another girl
who makes me proud
she always smells nice
& she’s never too loud
i let her bathe everyday
as long as i can join in
& our sweaty relations
are about to begin

SPANDEX

kermit the frog wearing spandex
coming over for dinner
would you be so kind as to join us?
will be a good time for family & friends
come, sit at the table
we’ve been waiting for you
kermit the frog made some chicken souvlaki
he’ll serve it in spandex & grin at you sideways
you’ll laugh & want seconds & wonder how your hair looks
geography never did anything for me…

spandex for you
spandex for me
spandex for you

i think my head is going to explode
insides push out & become strange extensions
i’m too red
everything’s going to my head

SHE’S AWFULLY LOVELY

hey-hey
she’s pregnant
what’s she gonna do to that kid?
is she gonna torture him?
is she gonna make him feel inadequate?
is she gonna raise him up—
raise him up to the sky?
is she gonna fill his head with all of her lies?

she said that she’d never have children
she could never treat them decently
now this could be her worst mistake of all

i guess she’s crazy if she thinks that’ll change anything
maybe things will be different for her
but my feelings remain the same:
it’s sickening to put an innocent child on this earth
if you’re not prepared to care for it
if you’re not a good person
& she’s not

her mind is too fragile to piece together the possible outcome
not fragile…more distorted & soaked in idiocy

hey-hey
she’s pregnant
it’s already been eight weeks
i hope that kid never comes out
he’d be better off that way
could be a male, female, marsupial, siamese…
either way, it won’t be pretty
i just know she’s gonna make him feel inadequate
’cause that’s all she’s ever done to me
& we’re not even related

i hope something happens to make her see
that she’s just not cut out to be a mother
she’s the kind of person that makes innocent people feel like garbage
i think it’s about time she stopped trying
to make others feel like what she is…

WE’RE ALL GONNA GO

down where the drunkards collide
there is a certain smell
it waits for you to approach
& drags you down to hell

we’re all gonna go down slow
one way or the other, we’re all gonna go

long-dead, long-lost acquaintances
line up to shake your hand
& tell you what you never knew
when you were naked in the sand

we’re all gonna go down slow
no matter what, we’re all gonna go

there’s richard the hamster
how’d he get to hell?
& oliver the magic ferret
(he’s the one that smells)

down where the drunkards collide
there’s a story that they tell
something waits for you to mess up
& drags you down to hell
they say that it’s quite nice
with a marvelous view of the fire
sometimes, on special occasions,
you don’t even perspire

we’re gonna go down slow
one way or the other, we’re all gonna go
we’re all gonna go to hell
but all’s well that ends in hell

PISS ON ME

don’t talk to me
i want to be alone
just let me be
i didn’t care for you then
& you didn’t seem to care for me

what’s good for the mind doesn’t nothing for the soul
you could never hope to make me whole

so come on & piss on me
if i can piss on you
it’s something everyone can do
piss on me
piss on me

rotting fish within the threshold of man
bamboo cartilage dropped by five degrees
concrete slips & falls on itself
no major injuries…just a few scratches

my words never end up anywhere
it’s not as if anyone cares

so why don’t you piss on me?
it is only this that grows
through an affidavit’s nose
piss on me piss on me piss on me

in ipperwash, all the girls want to blow me
antarctica, you’ll never, never know me
i’m too heavy—you can’t throw me
if you don’t have the seeds, you can’t grow me

rhubarb will never explain
piss on me before it starts to rain
yawns, spits, piss & shit
rational simplification
no no no…

come on & piss on me
if i make fun of you
this is one thing you can do
piss on me

THE HAPPY DENTIST

the happy dentist smiled his smile of fake sincerity
his patient looked on in amusement
he felt something strange in his mouth
the physical paralysis was setting in
the happy dentist unzipped himself
& played games with his unconscious patient
he took polaroids of the event
& sent them to his ex-wives

the happy dentist was a master of deception
he enjoyed biking & reading mademoiselle
but most of all, he enjoyed treating his patients
what he did to them, they never could recall

hark, the magical dog dish sinks
amongst the limpid beans
your memory is clouded
must have had an incoherent dream

the happy dentist liked to flirt with younger women
he used his money to win their hearts
when he tired of them, they were quickly disposed of
but not before they had baked him butter tarts
the happy dentist was a sucker for fine baked goods
he should have taken better care of himself

it’s kind of ironic how he went…
it was during one of his games
his heart took a shit, and the rest of his body couldn’t take it
but it was clearly his time to go
he was buried beside his poodle, whom he adored
(oh, jesus…)

the happy dentist left behind many adoring female fans
though none can recall how their teeth came to be so clean…