The winter months always make me a little nostalgic. A lot of it has to do with memories from back when I had a band. For whatever reason, the times when there were snow seem to stand out. It was a strange period for me…probably the worst time of my life, but also the most exciting. And for a little while, I had a real band with two other guys, and I threw everything I was thinking and feeling into the music we made.
Usually I’m pretty content to do everything myself these days, but sometimes it’s a little disappointing to realize I’ll probably never put another band together. I just don’t see it happening. Reliable talent is too hard to find, and my working methods have changed completely, to the point that I’m not sure how I would go about collaborating with anyone else successfully on anything but an occasional basis.
I suppose I’m lucky the collaborative projects that there were lasted as long as they did. A lot of music was made in a short period of time. It was very strange, having an almost telepathic musical connection with other people — collectively improvising songs out of nothing while recording, and then listening back to what we’d done and marvelling at how it sounded like we sort of knew what we were doing. Sometimes it was a powerful feeling. Almost spiritual in a strange way.
In celebration of our band that recorded about a dozen CDs no one will ever hear, here’s a song from those wild times. This one hails from january 2002, off an album called STELLAR. It doesn’t really give you a great idea of whatever it was that we did, because what we did was kind of all over the place. Some songs were twenty-minute-long journeys into insanity, while others were compact and almost accessible. I’ll write a book about that time in my musical life someday. I need to do something with all of the memories I have floating around. I don’t think it’s something anyone else would ever want to read, but I would really be writing it for myself anyway.
This track is a bit of an anomaly in that it doesn’t feature much in the way of lyrics, and it doesn’t have the emotional nudity that most of the other songs we recorded carried with them. There is something personal going on in what few actual words there are, but you wouldn’t know it unless I took the time to explain it. And that would be no fun.
Still, Gord and I always thought it would be fun to play this one live. We pictured people walking into a bar and hearing the song emanating from within, wondering if someone had slipped something in one of their drinks. We never did get to try it out on an audience, but it was fun to imagine the possibilities.