this is the song that never ends, and it’s being sung by someone with unspeakably awful breath who’s also tone-deaf.

i think mariah carey is progressively inching her way toward making a music video in which she just prances around naked and splashes water all over herself while lip-syncing. as soon as the music channels allow nipples to be shown on the air, she’ll be there even before janet jackson.

getting away from the magic of breasts for a moment, i ordered four different kinds of high quality inkjet printable cds with names i’ve never even heard of before. the weirdness continued. they all sounded different to me. for a while i was convinced the cheapest ones, made in taiwan, sounded the best. then i decided the high frequencies sounded a little harsh. later on i decided that they all sounded about the same, and now the taiyo yuden cds don’t sound muted to me anymore. so who the hell knows what the truth is. at this point i figure i’ll just pick a kind and leave it alone. i don’t think i’ll ever have to buy recordable cds again for the rest of my life after this. you’d think that we would have our happy ending right here, but no; now the software that came bundled with my fancy cd printer won’t let me print anything. so i can make copies of the new cd, but i can’t actually make them look like proper cds, even though there’s nothing at all wrong with the printer itself and it allows me to run a system check with no trouble.

sing it with me, children:

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!

only gwen stefani can save me now. can you hear me, gwen? get over here with akon asap, if only so i can make fun of him for completely overusing auto-tune.

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