lately i’ve been saying a lot of silly things here, because it’s fun to be silly. but this time i have nothing silly to say.
this evening, someone called and left a message on my phone telling me they were going to blow up my house because i bought the turntable they wanted from audio two. obviously it was a joke, delivered in a fake accent that sounded kind of middle-eastern. however, where normally you would eventually say, “ha ha…it’s me…give me a call back,” this person just hung up without revealing who they were or dropping the act. at first i just thought this was kind of odd. then it started to piss me off. i didn’t say much of anything about it here because i would have ended up typing several thousand words in the process of recounting the details, but back in october two guys broke into the house and made it quite clear they intended to rape and kill me. whoever left this message would almost certainly know this, and yet here they are “joking” about how they’re going to blow up my house, after my sense of security and well-being in my home was completely demolished by two crackhead fucks who should have died in the womb from horribly painful umbilical cord strangulation just at the moment they thought they were going to be born.
i can’t for the life of me place the voice or figure out who would make a joke like this, but whoever left the message, they obviously must read this blog at least occasionally. otherwise i’m not sure how they would know where i bought my turntable from. so, jokester, this is especially directed at you:
you’re lucky your number showed up as “private” and i don’t know who you are. if i did know who you are, i would seriously consider having you criminally charged with uttering threats, and you would be served with a warrant. i don’t care that it’s a joke. you try having two guys break into your house and tell you they’re going to shoot you and anally rape you because you supposedly fucked some girl you don’t even know, and see how amused you are when someone anonymously leaves a voice mail message telling you they’re going to kill you a few months down the road. whoever you are, you’re no friend of mine. but i hope you got a good laugh out of your little joke. i really do.