A cleansing of the cavity.

I realize my last post may have come across as being asshole-ish, so I’d like to offer a disclaimer:

I am an asshole.

There. I feel much better now that we’ve cleared that up.

But seriously…I’m in a bit of an odd headspace right now, for reasons that would take too long to explain without writing a novella. Maybe some of that spilled over into music-related things needlessly. Or maybe my rant was justified. I don’t feel a need to defend what I said as much as I’d like to stress that I realize pretty much everyone flies by the seat of their pants when it comes to playing live, and that’s just the way things work. What it comes down to is that I just can’t work that way in a live setting. I’ve been there, done that, got the T-shirt, and it doesn’t even fit. I need my ears and my brain intact. Otherwise I’m just a grizzly bear with no teeth.

I’m not saying I’ll never play live again (not that I ever did much of that to begin with), but when I do it’ll either be with Adam/Field Assembly or to play my own music, and that’ll be about it. I really need to stop this occasional musical freelancing thing for my own sake, and so I can avoid last-minute stuff in general, whether it’s me being left with little time to prepare, having to pull out at the last minute to avoid feeling like an idiot onstage, or feeling like I’m being used as little more than a promotional tool for someone else’s benefit.

No hard feelings toward anyone, except, again, for Wifflewag. And maybe one or two other people. Like Sean Kingston. Apologies to anyone who might be expecting to see me somewhere on Friday, but I won’t be there. You wouldn’t have heard much of anything exciting coming from me anyway aside from an occasional organ stab, so you’re not missing much with me being absent.

Another thing worth noting is that I’ve been taken advantage of more than a few times when it comes to musical matters (Wifflewag is only the most recent example), so it’s possible that I sometimes feel like someone is trying to do that sort of thing when it really isn’t the case. But in general I think my instincts are pretty sound. This is just one of those times I need to put my foot down and do what’s best for me for a change, in spite of the inconvenience it might cause, instead of trying to make everyone else happy and inconveniencing myself. If pulling out of one show gets me saddled with a reputation for being “difficult”, well…maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Who wants to be called “easy”?

On a lighter note, here is something I wrote quickly on the mandola the day after I got it. I’ve since written other things on it I like more, but what are you gonna do? I’ll tell you what i’m gonna do. I’m gonna find me some shoelace liquorice.

Dig how I apologize for my disheveled appearance only to chop most of my face out of the picture. At least you can kind of see what my hands are doing for a change. Also dig how I ran out of time on the camera five seconds or so before the song was over.


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