it’s true. check out the year-end issue of WAMM magazine, and you’ll see this on the cover:
i’m a little sad stephen didn’t use the shot of me pretending to rip open my shirt with a ridiculous grimace on my face. but only a little. i like how the way my hair was tied back on that day has the unexpected side effect of giving you a pretty good idea of what i would look like if i chopped off my mane. not that you should expect to see that happen anytime soon. or ever.
to say i was not expecting this is a bit of an understatement. i know this is the time of year when print media calls for people to write in with what they think the best albums of the year were, and all of that jazz. last year CHICKEN ANGEL WOMAN seemed to get a lot of attention, and suddenly i had something you might call a fan base, where before that, if you asked someone in windsor what they thought about johnny west, they probably would have said, “what — you mean the sex toy in that american pie movie?”
this year i put out three albums, and they were all well-received — some more so than i was expecting. so i figured, given the nice things people have been saying, and given how CHICKEN ANGEL WOMAN made it onto the “best of 2008” list, i would probably see one or two of my 2009 releases end up on the “best of 2009” list somewhere. and i would be flattered. and then i would say something about it here like, “look at me, there i am, drink some rice, eat some ham.” and that would be that.
but no. apparently i have more supporters than i thought i did, and so many people wrote in about my albums, the decision was made to just make me “artist of the year”. so there i am on the cover, and there i am again inside. i assumed a few things being touted recently as the best! things! ever! to come out of our border town would kind of blot everything else out, including me. i guess not.
so there i am. and here we are. craziness.
turns out there was a little bit of criticism aroused by this. which i find amusing. i heard through the vine of grapes that some people — i have no idea who — feel it isn’t right or fair for me to be “artist of the year” when i never play live.
read that last sentence again, and laugh along with me.
this kind of logic cracks me up. it’s like saying someone isn’t a good actor because they don’t do a lot of press junkets. or a tennis player shouldn’t be on the cover of a sports magazine because they only do a major interview every few years.
i could say a lot of things in response. instead i think you should check out the segment of not in my backyard (the show on CJAM hosted by adam fox and tom lucier) from this afternoon that addresses the whole bag of potatoes, and hear what adam, tom, and stephen have to say about it all.
anyway. thanks to stephen for kind of complimenting and subtly criticizing me at the same time (strange choice for someone you deem “artist of the year”, no?). and putting that weirdness aside, thanks to everyone and anyone who wrote to WAMM extolling the virtues of my noise. you’re all crazy. i don’t know if i’m really all that worthy of being deemed “windsor artist of the year”, but you went and made me a year-end cover dude, and for that i will be eternally purple. now you know the truth — i really am a figment of someone else’s imagination, my name is bongo, and i live in the broom closet of a bowling alley.
i’ll try to have at least another few albums for you all to frighten your neighbours with in 2010. you can probably expect a new one in january, if i don’t get it done by the end of this month. i’ve been toying with the idea of paying someone else to master the music for a change, but i’ll probably just squash that idea and do it myself as usual.
i don’t know about that live stuff. and i know for a fact i never said anything like that last thing i’m quoted as saying in the article (trying to paint someone into a corner for your own benefit by dreaming up things they never said isn’t exactly responsible journalism, is it?). but i guess anything’s possible. maybe an evening of lady gaga covers is in the cards for sometime in the new year.
there are some other things a-brewing that weren’t mentioned in the article, but for now my lips are sealed with some sort of generic silly putty. all will be revealed when the time is right.
one thing i gotta say — while it’s flattering to be called a creative genius, that just ain’t possible. or, as ralph wiggum would say, “me pass music? that’s unpossible!” a genius i’m most decidedly not. anyone unfortunate enough to hear the song i wrote for a girl i was infatuated with in grade 8 could tell you that. luckily i’ve kept that horrid cassette well-guarded through the years.
i’m just a hairy guy who makes music. and i’m only going to get hairier in the days ahead. so you’d best brace yourselves.