countless debates have been waged on the subject of the legal/illegal downloading of music, and the brave new age of digital distribution. i have never really taken a firm position on either side of it, and when i sat in on adam peltier’s show on cjam about a year ago for an epic interview/co-hosting experience and he asked me how i felt about the whole thing, i drew a complete blank. it honestly wasn’t something i’d given much thought. a few technologically-minded people have urged me to do away with the “obsolete” medium of the cd and get with the times, releasing my music digitally like all the cool kids do. i nod and smile politely, listening to what they have to say, while disagreeing right down to the core of my vessel. that’s right — i’ve got me a vessel. a bright, shiny vessel.
i like cds. i like vinyl even more, but releasing my albums on actual records would be expensive and problematic, and a lot of things would need to be released as double-vinyl sets, at the very least. someday i’d like to put something out on vinyl, but i’d like to do it right, and it’s not something i could make a habit of doing. cds are cheap, easy, and they may not have the sonic warmth of a well-made vinyl record, but they can sound very fine indeed if the music is well-engineered and you have a decent system to listen on. you can do some interesting and creative things with the packaging, though not quite on the scale of what you can do with records. cds are easy to store and transport, and they’re usually easy to replace if they become damaged, or if you have a friend who likes to borrow things with no plans to return them in either of your lifetimes. if they stop making cd players and producing recordable cds, i will buy up as much stock as humanly possible so i have the materials necessary to keep making cds. even if there comes a day when no one else can play them, at least i’ll still be able to.
i don’t like mp3s that much. i know i’m in the minority here. i don’t own an ipod, and i don’t ever plan to. i have no use for it. i like my gigantic cd collection, and my growing record collection. i like that when someone asks me if i have an album by someone in particular, i can generally pinpoint where it is without even looking. when i listen to music, i sit down in a room with a good stereo system, i shut my mouth, i clear the cobwebs from my mind, and i listen to it. i can’t go through my day with earbuds in and have music happening as a background thing while i do other things. my brain just doesn’t work that way, as i discovered countless times when i would try to study for tests or do math homework while listening to a cd on headphones. i can do menial tasks like folding inserts and assembling cd packaging while listening to music, but anything that requires me to do much thinking tends to compete with the music for attention, and this is an area where i can’t multitask or split my brain; i have to either devote most of my attention to the music, or there’s no point in it being there. i also don’t like the sound of mp3s all that much. unless you’re going to deal with gigantic file sizes that are often not very practical, the sound quality is somewhat lacking for my taste. i’m sure it sounds okay on cheap headphones that are wedged deep inside of your ears, and some of the people who own ipods probably already have some measure of hearing loss without realizing it, given how loud everyone listens to music these days and how close those earbuds are to your eardrums. i’m not saying you’re wrong if you like mp3s and i’m right because i don’t. this is just what things sound like to me.
i realize a lot of people don’t listen to music the way that i do; it’s wallpaper for them. and i can understand that. it just isn’t the way i operate. i have to pay attention to it if i’m going to enjoy it, otherwise i see no point in listening to it at all. i also have sensitive ears. i enjoy things that sound good. mp3s…don’t get there for me. when “in rainbows” by radiohead was first released in mp3 form, i thought it kind of sounded like shit. and that surprised me, because normally i think radiohead cds sound pretty impressive. the reverb tails sounded grainy. there was some ugly distortion where it didn’t seem like any would have been intended. some of the cymbal crashes were painful to listen to. once i got the actual cd, the songs magically took on new life. the reverb tails sounded lush and full. the ugly clipping was gone. the cymbal crashes didn’t make me feel like someone was scraping a knife against my ears anymore. the mp3s of those songs have never been given another listen with my ears. and really, i’ve never gotten into listening to music on the computer in the first place. i will use it as a reference when i’m mixing songs, to see how they sound on crappy speakers with little-to-no bass response, but i try to mix things to sound good on full-range systems, and not to compensate for the shortcomings of laptop speakers. i need a good hi-fi or good headphones to enjoy music, and i’m fortunate enough to have both of those things at my immediate disposal. if i really want to listen to music while walking around, i will stuff my discman into my coat pocket, put on bulky expensive headphones, and walk around looking a little funny. i’ve done it before. it’s pretty neat.
i put mp3s up here because it’s an easy way for people to hear a few songs off of my albums, in case they’re interested in getting a bit of a feel for the music, and it’s a quick and simple way to share things. if someone wants to actually hear a full album, i will give them a cd. if they don’t live near here, i will mail them a cd (or usually i’ll mail them four or five different ones). even if they live in uganda, i will mail them a cd. it might take three weeks to get there, but it’ll get there. i will never send someone an mp3 version of the album through an email, or yousendit, or whateverthehell. i don’t care that you can arrange it so that the listener gets the artwork in .jpg files and other relevant information or lyrics in a text file. this is my music, and this is the way i want it to be presented — as something tangible that you can hold in your hand and look at wherever you are, and not something you look at on your computer. if people want to rip the cds as mp3s and never even glance at the physical version again, that’s fine by me, but at least they’ve got it there at full fidelity if they want it.
i know there’s been a lot of talk lately about internet distribution being the new thing, especially for independent artists, and there’s some rumbling about how the music industry is failing. but i don’t think that’s entirely true. a lull in sales and certain labels going under is not tantamount to failure. i think as long as there’s shitty music and a large enough audience of consumers who view music as a disposable background addition to their lives, instead of something to be absorbed and explored in depth, the music industry will do just fine. the last time i checked, the shitty music : good music ratio was leaning very strongly on the shitty side of things…much more so than ever before. that’s not to say that there isn’t a lot of great music out there…you just have to work a bit harder to find it sometimes. it’s great that artists have more options now when it comes to how they’re going to get their music out there, but isn’t the whole point of having these options that you’re able to choose the method that best suits your own personal preference? for me, a physical album is infinitely more interesting, and more psychologically satisfying, than a compressed, downloaded file. i’m not made uncomfortable by change; i simply know what i like.
i got to thinking more about these things over the past few days, stemming from a facebook conversation. someone added me as a friend because he wanted to know how to go about getting some of my cds. i offered to give him a bunch of them, as i usually do. he asked if i had thought about putting full albums up online. i got into all of that stuff about fidelity, presentation, not wanting people to pay for the music, and so on. he responded by putting some of my albums up online, in full, without getting my go-ahead first (after i had just told him i wasn’t entirely comfortable with that sort of thing), and basically said i could be pissed off if i wanted, but my music needed to be heard by more people, and he knew better than i did how to make that happen. he also said he didn’t think i would hear any sonic difference in the mp3s vs. the songs at full fidelity.
it took everything i had not to go ballistic.
on one level, it’s flattering that someone thinks the music is good enough that it deserves to be more widely heard. but it’s also pretty offensive when you take the time to explain how you feel about the distribution of your music, what you are and aren’t comfortable with, and then someone says, “that’s nice…but i really don’t care what you want. i’m going to do what i want, with your music. eat it.” fortunately there’s only one recent album up there so far, and only three or four albums in all, which doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what i’ve done musically. but now i don’t want to mail or drop off any of those cds i was going to put together, because they’ll just be ripped and put up there on the net against my wishes as well.
you’re probably thinking, “what do you care if all your albums are available for download? you don’t want people paying for your music anyway.” it’s not about money. it’s the principle of the thing. see, it’s my music. i want it to be presented in a certain way. dwaine iler (of the windsor band the original lady eyes), who i don’t really know but seems like a nice and genuine guy, is a very vocal supporter of online distribution and digital download cards. he has a very clear vision of how he wants his music presented to the listener. though i’m not big into the mp3 thing myself, i respect that it’s his music, and his choice how it gets to his audience. it would be nice if people also respected the fact that it’s my choice how my music should get to the listener. i want to give it to you on a cd, with no compromises made when it comes to sound quality. it’s not going to sound like a $6 million studio recording, because i don’t have a $6 million studio and i’m not a professional engineer. but i want you to hear the music the way i heard it when i recorded it, so if you do happen to have an expensive and revealing hi-fi system, it might not sound like complete and utter horseshit when you listen to it. and if you want to just rip mp3s and listen on your ipod, you can do that too, at whatever compression format you choose. but it starts out as a cd.
i also really don’t want things to get very big. i guess that goes against just about everything everyone else who makes music wants to do, but there it is. i don’t want to get to the point where i have to make so many copies of cds and send so many out in the mail that i have to start thinking about charging money to cover costs, and i’m not going to go the online distribution route in order to make it easier for that to happen. i don’t want anyone to ever pay for any of my cds. if anyone ever tries to charge you money for any of my music and i find out about it, i will bite their fucking head off. literally. with the teeth that live inside my mouth. i like being able to have a personal connection with the people who like my music. i like writing people notes and letters, and sending cds in the mail. i like that people can email me if they want to, and i will try to respond in a somewhat timely manner. hell, if you like my music and you want to ask me questions about it while we both inhabit the same space like people sometimes do, i’ll have a coffee with you somewhere. i’m not some sort of curmudgeon who’s allergic to personal contact. i’m a normal guy, and i like coffee, as long as it’s good coffee. i’m comfortable with the way things are right now. i have a larger audience than i ever thought i would, but it’s mostly local, and it’s on a small enough scale that i can easily keep it personal and my overhead is still pretty reasonable. i don’t want it to get to the point where i have to look at hiring people to handle distribution or anything absurd like that. i don’t feel like having to answer to a larger group of people about why i don’t play live or do the same things that everyone else seems to do. realistically, my music and appearance are not commercial enough for things to ever get very big anyway, and i’m not about to put any effort into changing those things to make them any more palatable or “ready for the big time”. but when someone starts to take steps toward doing something that threatens to potentially lead things in that direction, i get uneasy.
let me be clear here: i don’t have a fear of success or making money. i think it’s more that my idea of success doesn’t coincide with what most people are after. success, for me, is making an album that i’m happy with and that reflects wherever my head was at when i recorded it, and then making it available to whoever wants to hear it, free of charge. that’s it. i don’t want or need to be on muchmusic, or to be name-dropped by some sexy celebrity so i can use that hype to build steam, and then use that steam to build more hype. all of that is meaningless bullshit to me. i want to make music on my own terms, and that’s what i do. therefore, i consider myself to be a success, and no further validation is needed. if anyone else happens to like the music, that’s certainly appreciated, and i’m always interested in what other people have to say. but it’s not why i do this. i’m well aware that the visibility i have and the attention i’m getting right now may fade at some point in the not so distant future, when people get sick of me putting out a new album roughly every season. you can’t hold everyone’s interest forever. that doesn’t hold any sway over what i do at all. i was doing this for years and years before anyone cared or paid any attention to me, and i’ll keep on doing it as long as there’s music in my head, regardless of who is or isn’t listening.
the point, if i have one, is this: you don’t need to agree with what i do. you don’t even have to understand it. you can think i’m batshit crazy if you want. but i’d appreciate it if you respected the fact that it’s my music, it’s my choice how it’s delivered and presented, and this is what i’m comfortable with. i generally put up with more than i should from people, but when it comes to my music, all bets are off. fuck with my music, and we’re going to have a problem.