If it hadn’t been for you, I would be now in someone else’s digestion!

I was blissfully unaware of this until a day or two ago, but back in 2001 some misguided soul decided to cash in on the earth-shattering success of the movie Titanic by making an animated version called Titanic: the Legend Goes on. Only, they made a few changes to the story in the process.

A brief plot summary, courtesy of Wikipedia:

The plot centers around a poor girl called Angelica who lives with, and works for, her stepmother and stepsisters. They travel on the iconic ship, RMS Titanic, alongside a stereotypical English detective, two clumsy burglars, a family of mice, and a rapping dog with a BeatBox and jersey. She meets a young man called William who is traveling with his nanny, and they immediately fall in love. As their relationship grows, the ship meets with the disaster it was famous for and strikes the iceberg. The ship sinks and Angelica is separated from William during the frantic effort to evacuate the ship, and although she escapes fears that he has drowned. In the lifeboat, it is revealed that William’s nanny is Angelica’s mother, [and they] are happily reunited. They find William in the water alive and an epilogue reveals that the two were married and lived “happily ever after”.

I’m not making this up. Observe.

That’s right. Rap as a musical genre existed in 1912, and when the Titanic sank, everyone lived happily ever after.

It’s at once one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard of, and one of the most repugnant. It’s tempting to hunt down a DVD just to confirm the thing is real, but I’m not sure I’d want to experience the horror of actually watching it. Thankfully it was such a critical and commercial bomb, most people now aren’t even aware it exists. Still, the idea that children have watched this is beyond disturbing.

In less bizarre news, the end-of-the-month progress report should be along in the next week or so. I have no idea what to do with this one, but that’s part of the fun. I know — maybe I’ll save a Mexican mouse child from certain death and respond to his thanks with a poorly-animated rap montage!

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