sad, sad, sad.

a few random things:

i think this is pretty amusing. while i’m glad to say none of the templates made me think, “my god! that’s me!” i’ve known a few people over the years who are eerily well-described there, and i had a few chuckles.

hipsters aside, if you have a soul and/or any musical taste, i suggest you stay far away from a little show on muchmusic called discovered. hearing the music these bands produce, and realizing they’re being given the opportunity to get their foot in the broken-down door of the music industry when countless more talented artists are ignored and rejected, will — if you’re at all like me — make you want to kill things.

i’ve only caught a few bits of episodes here and there, and already i wish i could erase the ugly stimulus from my memory. greig nori doing his all-knowing guru/tastemaker thing doesn’t help. i’m sure he’s a perfectly nice guy in “real life”, but i have a difficult time taking anyone seriously when they describe themselves on facebook as the “best thing to ever come from canada”.

to that end, sort of, i really don’t like bashing lady gaga too often, because i feel it’s a bit like kicking a puppy. it’s just too easy when you’re as bitter about popular music as i am, and i get no enjoyment out of it. however…i recently read some comments on björk videos on youtube where people were insinuating that she was little more than a lady gaga ripoff artist.

that there are people who are this moronic, ignorant, and clueless shouldn’t come as a surprise, but it still made me do a bit of a mental double-take.

consider:

björk was making game-changing, fiercely individual music when lady gaga hadn’t even hit puberty yet and probably didn’t know what a song was.

björk has written a reasonable amount of her songs alone, while lady gaga has exactly two songs in her catalogue of recorded work that haven’t been besieged by multiple co-writers.

björk has somehow turned english not being her first language into a strength, writing some very unique and unusual lyrics, with unexpected turns of phrase, and she rarely writes anything that follows a conventional, typical chord pattern, using the strengths of whoever she collaborates with to bend the production of her music in new and interesting directions (not all björk albums are masterpieces, but you can’t say she ever sounds much like anyone else).

gaga sings about wanting to take a ride on your penis and blinding you with her vagina, and all of her songs follow tired, predictable chord progressions that were already overused decades ago, while the production fits firmly into the lifeless, sterile, over-compressed sound that seems to be the de facto setting for most popular music today.

there are scientific studies that have demonstrated how the brain responds to music. the gist of it is something like this — your brain wants to hear those same predictable chord progressions, and a healthy dose of dopamine is released when you get what you’re expecting, creating a sort of low-level natural high. this goes some way toward explaining why so many people seem to enjoy music that’s devoid of any semblance of substance or creativity.

it also tells me i must have suffered brain damage at some point in my life. because it doesn’t work that way for me at all.

i could go on. but instead, i’ll let the music make my point for me.

there’s this:


and then there’s this:


and never the twain shall meet.

there’s no comparison. to even contemplate making one goes so far beyond idiocy, it creates its own black hole of nothingness in which it swallows and digests itself. saying björk has ripped off lady gaga is akin to saying frank sinatra was just a michael buble imitator.

someone, for the love of sandpaper, make the stupid go away.

2 comments

  1. One of the amazing things about the internet – it gave a written forum for all of those people whose opinions were too stupid to be written down before, let alone published anywhere. We didn’t even know they existed before! Except at election time, when somebody must have voted for (…).

    1. ’tis true. but the internet has also afforded evil people like me the opportunity to spread my evil ideas…like searching for music that’s off the beaten path, and not buying into every empty-headed idea the media tries to force down our throats. blasphemy!

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